Monday, July 10, 2017

The Engagements by J. Courtney Sullivan

The Engagements by J. Courtney Sullivan
Published June 2013 by Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Source: bought for my Nook to read with my book group

Publisher's Summary:
Evelyn has been married to her husband for forty years—forty years since he slipped off her first wedding ring and put his own in its place. Delphine has seen both sides of love—the ecstatic, glorious highs of seduction, and the bitter, spiteful fury that descends when it’s over. James, a paramedic who works the night shift, knows his wife’s family thinks she could have done better; while Kate, partnered with Dan for a decade, has seen every kind of wedding—beach weddings, backyard weddings, castle weddings—and has vowed never, ever, to have one of her own.

As these lives and marriages unfold in surprising ways, we meet Frances Gerety, a young advertising copywriter in 1947. Frances is working on the De Beers campaign and she needs a signature line, so, one night before bed, she scribbles a phrase on a scrap of paper: “A Diamond Is Forever.” And that line changes everything.

My Thoughts:
I picked The Engagements for last month's book club selection for a couple of reasons: I'd read and really enjoyed Sullivan's Maine and I imagined a book that dealt with marriage from a number of points of view would make for a interesting discussion.

Coming at a book from five different story lines is tough to pull off and tough to read. Early on it felt like I was reading a collection of short stories. As so often happens when a book moves back and forth between story lines, the shift between stories sometimes felt abrupt and even frustrating when I had to try to get back into a different story line. Like a short story collection, some story lines here were stronger or more interesting throughout the line. The unifying theme throughout was marriage (and the role of those diamond rings that come with it) but Sullivan also touched on a lot of other themes as well - infidelity, women's role in the workplace, grief, parental relationships and expectations, financial hardship, divorce, and ethical dilemmas. There is a woman in this book that will probably speak to every woman who reads it.

By looking at women from several generations and walks of life, Sullivan is able to explore women's changing roles in society, to look at the ways society at large has changed, and also to look at the strength of women from many different angles.

Of Evelyn, who married in the 1930's and whose life's passion was teaching, Sullivan wrote:
"It was expected that she would quite her job after marriage, as most women did, and she did quit, for a while, to be with Teddy [Evelyn's son], and to open up a job for someone else during the later years of the Depression. There was real bitterness aimed at working girls at that time, especially the ones with husbands."
Through Kate, who abhors the idea of marriage, Sullivan gives us this:
"Through centuries and across cultures, women were intimidated and coerced into marriage, through horrible means - kidnapping, physical violence, even gang rape. In eighteen-century England, the doctrine of coverture dictated that a woman had no legal rights within a marriage, other than those afforded her by her husband. Early American laws replicated this idea, and did not change until the 1960's. Before then, most states had "head and master" laws, giving husbands the right to beat their wives and take full control of family decision making and finances, including the woman's own property."
An excellent reminder of why I marched in the Women's March back in January. We've come a long way, thanks to those who fought before us. It's easy to forget that, as Sullivan reminds us in Evelyn's story line, even in the 1970's there had to be cause for a divorce and the woman was often the party who suffered the most embarrassment even when it meant she had to accuse her husband of wrongdoing.

Frances Gerety was a real woman - the real person who came up with that iconic signature line for De Beers diamonds. Not long ago it was voted the best advertising slogan of the 20th century. Her life, and her storyline, are as interesting as any of the others in the book. In Sullivan's hands we see Gerety as someone who was married to her profession, never "had never wanted to marry or have children." Perhaps as a working woman who was always treated (and paid) as inferior to her male counterparts, Gerety didn't see any reason to seek that out in her personal life as well.

In a book titled The Engagements, I didn't expect to find feminism. But, as Sullivan follows the trail of a ring through the book, she also follows the trail of women finding their own voices and their own way.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Life: It Goes On - July 9

Life is returning to normal. I've begun selling off the wedding things I want to get rid of, borrowed things are mostly returned to their homes, and my dining room can finally be used for dining again. For someone who hates clutter, I must say I kind of miss it. But only because it means that the thing I was looking forward to for a year is over. See, I told you yesterday that I wasn't quite over the post-wedding letdown.

This Week I'm:

Listening To: I listened to podcasts through last week, including Happier, Stuff You Missed in History Class, and Reading Women. I'm really enjoying catching up on them and may continue that for at least another week before I start another book.

Watching: Veep with The Big Guy, The Mindy Project and Orange Is The New Black with Miss H, Game of Thrones with BG and Mini-him, and I am now all caught up with Grace and Frankie which is just for me. I'm pretty sad that I'll now have to wait for the next season of that one. Obviously, the television has been back on in my house!

Reading: I'm starting Once, In Lourdes by Sharon Solwitz today and Behind Closed Doors by B. A. Paris for book club after that.

Making: So I listened to BG when we ordered food for the reception and we had a lot left over. A lot. By Friday, I was begging not to eat something that made use of the leftovers in any way. Which is to say that, mostly, I have not been making anything.

Planning: A trip to Milwaukee in August to see our kids. And that, folks, is how I'm getting over my blues!

Thinking About: Picking up some classes. I'd talked about it a while back but never figured out how I was going to make time for it. Mini-him will return to school this fall and I decided if he can figure out how to work full-time and carry three classes, I should be able to manage at least one. Now to figure out what I want to take.

Enjoying: Quiet. BG is a person who needs to go, go, go. Which is good, because as I have needed time to collect myself this week, he has been off finding ways to entertain himself and leaving me the house to myself.

Feeling: Better.

Looking forward to: Getting back to blogging regularly and visiting blogs. I miss my people!

Question of the week: My reading schedule will be pretty open this summer. What's the one book you are looking forward to reading that I should pick up?

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Reading!


Since I tend to suffer from post-big event letdown in general, I should have seen post-wedding letdown coming. And I did... sort of. But, damn, I had no idea it would hit so hard and take almost a week for me to seriously start feeling like myself again. 

The most curious thing has happened this week, though. That reading slump I've been more or less mired in all year? Suddenly, I find it has lifted. Just like that, the thing that has always been my go-to when I needed a lift has come back to me - books.

Granted, that fog my brain has been in for months as I worked to plan, order and create, has lifted; and I have more free time again. Still, I was surprised when I found myself able to actually focus on a book for long periods. I started a book Tuesday that I will finish today and I'm eager to start a new one tomorrow. 

I suspect it will take a few days longer to completely get over the blues, especially as I continue to pull leftover tamales and tortillas out of the freezer and try to sell the wedding items we'll never use again (100 chair covers, for example). But, I'm happy to say that the therapy I've always counted on is, once again, working. I'm reading!

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Life: It Goes On - July 4

Happy Fourth of July to my U.S. readers! We are celebrating in the most quiet way possible, still recovering from the past week. My neighbors are giving me all of the celebration I need; any window I look out of is giving me a great fireworks show.
photo taken by my brother
at the wedding reception

My kiddos got here last Saturday night and we went non-stop through this past Sunday night. My scheduled plan for the week sort of went out the window when they showed up a projects yet to be completed. But it all got done and the things that didn't happen weren't noticed by anyone else Saturday. We had a wonderful weekend that was everything my son and his bride wanted it to be. We even had our own fireworks show!

With company just all leaving on Monday, I'm only now able to finish putting my house back together. Needless to say, my week below will mostly be a recap of the wedding week. Next week, it will be back to business as usual. I'm sad it's all over but also really needing to get back to my routine.

This Week I'm:

Reading: Not one word from the Saturday before last until today. Might be the longest I've ever gone without reading a book. I did start The Widow of Wall Street today.

Listening To: Songs from the wedding playlist. The bride and groom put together all of the music for the reception, with lots of input from their siblings and parents. We had a glorious evening last week singing together and driving Mini-me crazy as we threw out ideas faster than he could decide on them and add them.

Watching: This will come as a shock, particularly to those who know The Big Guy, but I'm not sure the television was on anywhere in my house for an entire week. It was kind of wonderful.

Making: In the kitchen - runzas, manicotti, and we grilled. Mostly we made decorations for the wedding reception, including a fabric letters that spelled out the kids' names, Just Married, and the date that we mounted to barnwood. I also made the boutonnieres for all of the guys and put together the fresh flower bouquet for the bride as well as nosegays for the moms and my mom.

Planning: Nothing in the planning stages at the moment. Thank heavens!

Thinking About: My head is filled with memories from the past week. Time spent getting to know Ms. S's mother better, hearing all four of my kids out on the patio laughing and singing together, seeing my son's face as he saw his bride for the first time at the wedding, watching my parents dance at the reception.


Enjoying:  See pic. Bottom left is at the reception on Saturday night; bottom center and left are at the post-wedding dinner held by my parents in their backyard. You may notice the bridal pup curled up at their feet. He's a great dog but a constant "what do we do with Jasper" conundrum last week!

Feeling: So many emotions. I'm prone to crying at any moment. So happy for the kids, sad it's all over, sad to have them gone.

Looking forward to: A long weekend in Milwaukee. I don't know when it will be but I'm going to need one soon!

Question of the week: How to you get over the letdown after a big event?