Life: It Goes On - September 12

Happy Sunday from Omaha, where it can't decide if it's going to be a seasonably temperate 80 degrees or Indian summer. I've got some yard work I wanted to do this weekend but I think it will wait until later in the week...or October! And certainly I have plenty to do in the house to fill the day; I played a lot this week and it shows around here. 

Last Week I: 

 Listened To: On the recommendation of a coworker, I started The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. She said that the reader, Lisette Lecat, is fabulous and I concur. If the rest of the books are available through the library, this will make a nice break between longer, more difficult reads. 

Watched: Lots of football, of course. Yesterday I spent a good chunk of the day with my Dad and watched the Huskers win with him. 

Read: I raced through The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave, which was a recent selection for Reese Witherspoon's book club. 

Made: I wasn't home for a lot of meals this week so there wasn't much cooking to be done. I did make a yummy cheesy roasted tomato pasta and some pepperoni pizza rollups. No healthy eating going on in our house this week!

Enjoyed: Mini-him and Miss H are seven years apart in age but have become very close and have a lot in common, including a love of music. This week, Mini-him drove down and picked up Miss H so they could go to a concert together in Wichita. I love seeing them have so much fun together!

This Week I’m:  

Planning: On Instagram I follow the account of a cleaning company called GoCleanCo and, at sixty years old, I've discovered that an old dog can learn new cleaning tricks. So when Sarah announced a Fall Cleaning Challenge, I jumped on board. It was GoCleanCo that convinced me to pull off the shower doors last weekend to be able to clean them better, after all. If you're thinking about a fall deep clean, you can download the paperwork here.

Thinking About: Talking a brief break from social media. It's a time suck that brings me as much stress as it does pleasure some days. 

Feeling: When my mom died, one of my sister's friends was a rock for our family. She brought us coffee, she sat by my dad's side and shared the grief of losing her husband with him, she helped us laugh. This week her mom passed away and I am broken-hearted for her. 

Looking forward to: A quiet, normal week. As much as I like a three-day weekend and the shorter week that follows it, somehow that week ends up throwing everything off kilter. 

Question of the week: Did you watch any of the 9/11 coverage yesterday? I watched some of the ceremonies in the morning and found myself in tears without even realizing I was crying and knew I wasn't going to be able to spend much time with it this year. 

You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories About Racism by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar

You'll Never Believe What Happened To Lacey: Crazy Stories About Racism by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar

Read by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar

Published January 2021 by Grand Central Publishing

Publisher's Summary:

From racist donut shops to strangers putting their whole hand in her hair, from being mistaken for a prostitute to being mistaken for Harriet Tubman, Lacey is a lightning rod for hilariously ridiculous yet all-too-real anecdotes. She's the perfect mix of polite, beautiful, petite, and Black that apparently makes people think "I can say whatever I want to this woman." And now, Amber and Lacey share these entertainingly horrifying stories through their laugh-out-loud sisterly banter. Painfully relatable or shockingly eye-opening (depending on how often you have personally been followed by security at department stores), this book tackles modern-day racism with the perfect balance of levity and gravity.

My Thoughts:

You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey is this year's Omaha Reads selection. Why you ask? (I know you didn't really ask, but let's just pretend.) Because Ruffin and Lamar are from Omaha (Lacey still lives here) and because, clearly, Omahans need to wake the heck (if you know me in person, you know that's not the word I was going to use but I'm still trying to keep it clean because my mom wouldn't have liked the word I wanted to use) up. 

When asked who she wanted to have read this book, Lamar said: 

"I would love every single white person that I’ve ever worked with to read this book—and just white people in general. And white people who maybe think, “Well, is it really that bad? Is racism really that bad?”And supervisors, people who are in charge of people. I want them to read this book and be like, “I am never doing that again. I am now going to go to work and call Linda “Linda” and not “Black Linda.”"

If you've been reading this blog for the last couple of years, you'll know that I've been working very hard to educate myself about racism and been awakened to my own racism. I'm under no illusions that Nebraska is little better than the South, too, when it comes to racism. But people, I live in a city. Of course I know that racists live in cities, too; but I thought that at least there was less overt racism here. Wrong. 

I checked out the audiobook version of this book but I also won a copy of it from the library. If you're from Omaha and want to read this book, I recommend the audiobook. It's marginally less painful because Ruffin and Lamar are funny ladies and the impression is that, while they find these examples of racism horrible, they are also able to find the humor in them. That's less the case in the print version, although you do get to see a lot of illustrations and photos. Either way, this one's an eyeopener for those of us who live in Omaha (as it should be for people who live anywhere) and it's tough to realize that we live with people who would do the kinds of things that have been done to Lamar. Including ourselves. 

About 30 years ago, my husband and I liked to watch Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam on HBO. We laughed at lot while we watched it but we didn't always get the humor. Because we were white people who lived in a suburb in the Midwest!! It wasn't meant for us but, even then, I wanted to understand more. So I turned to the only person I knew who I could ask - the only black friend I had. She was patient (I didn't realize then just how patient) but often said "you wouldn't understand." I never stuck my whole hand in her afro, I never called her "Black Linda." I thought I treated her like every other friend I had. This book reminds me that, in asking her to explain humor I didn't get or asking her why she and her mom didn't move to a "safer" neighborhood, I didn't. 

I don't think Ruffin's and Lamar's point in writing this book is to make people feel awash with guilt over the past but I do think they do want us to look at things we've done and realize the ways that might have been racist. Recognizing those things is the only way to be better. As Maya Angelou said, "when you know better, do better." 

Another of my takeaways from this book is that silence is complicity. When Lamar sat in meetings where racist things were being said, when she was in shops where racist things were being done, when she was in school and hearing racist things, there were people who could have spoken out. No one did. I imagine that leaves persons of color to wonder if everyone agrees with the act or if they are just too complacent to say anything. I'm guilty of not speaking up; I'm a person who hates conflict so it's tough for me to speak up when I know it might cause problems. Once again, Ruffin and Lamar remind white people that our discomfort is nothing compared to what persons of color go through on a daily basis and a fear of conflict is a poor excuse. Lamar has lost a lot of jobs because she spoke up. The least I can do is back her up.

The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller

The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller

Published July 2021 by Penguin Publishing Group

Publisher's Summary:

“This house, this place, knows all my secrets.” 

It is a perfect July morning, and Elle, a fifty-year-old happily married mother of three, awakens at “The Paper Palace”—the family summer place which she has visited every summer of her life. But this morning is different: last night Elle and her oldest friend Jonas crept out the back door into the darkness and had sex with each other for the first time, all while their spouses chatted away inside. Now, over the next twenty-four hours, Elle will have to decide between the life she has made with her genuinely beloved husband, Peter, and the life she always imagined she would have had with her childhood love, Jonas, if a tragic event hadn’t forever changed the course of their lives. As Heller colors in the experiences that have led Elle to this day, we arrive at her ultimate decision with all its complexity. Tender yet devastating, The Paper Palace considers the tensions between desire and dignity, the legacies of abuse, and the crimes and misdemeanors of families.

My Thoughts:

Books picked by famous ladies for their book clubs are hit-and-miss for me. This one, picked by Reese Witherspoon for her book club, was one of those hits. 

Cowley Heller switches her Elle's narrative between one current day forty-eight hour period and Elle's entire past life as she contemplates what brought her to this point in her life. Although the way we are introduced to Elle's grandmothers and mother, all women who had difficult things happen to them which colored how they raised the next generation of women. 

The writing is every bit as colorful and beautiful as that cover but the subject matter is mostly much darker and grittier. Readers should be forewarned that there is a lot of adultery and sexual abuse in this novel, including abuse of children, which may make it difficult for some readers. That will probably keep me from recommending it for my book club, although there is so much to talk about in this book. Can you ever forgive yourself for doing the unforgivable? How can strong women choose a man over her children? Can love withstand the passage of time and betrayal? Is security more important than passion? Can one woman really love two men so deeply that choosing between them is nearly impossible?

This is an impressive debut that had me tearing through the pages, even though it was often difficult to read. It often broke my heart and just as often made me angry, mostly at the adults who were so derelict in their duties. But if you've read this one, will you please email me? I need to talk to someone about the ending!

Source: checked out from my local library

Life: It Goes On - September 6

Happy Labor Day! Today we made our way home from a weekend trip to see Mini-me and Ms. S, stopping for lunch at a Five Guys burger joint. We had no sooner finished our lunch when the doors of the place were locked; they were closing early in order to give their laborers time off on the day designated to celebrate them. Kudos to the management of that restaurant!

Last Week I: 

 Listened To: I finished Stacey Abrams' While Justice Sleeps today while we were driving home, completely ignoring The Big Guy for a couple of hours so I could keep track of what was going on. 

Watched: Not much. We hardly had a television on for the past five days. 

Read: I'm racing to finish up Elizabeth Strout's latest, Oh, William. Doesn't it seem like I'm saying "I'm racing to finish..." a lot these days?

Made: I made some stuff last week that I wanted to remember to tell you about but now I can't remember what it was! Mini-me whipped us up a delicious curry meal with paneer the other night. He's a terrific cook and kind enough not to make the meal too hot just for me. 

Enjoyed: So many things this weekend! We took a side trip to visit BG's niece, brother, and sister-in-law then yesterday my aunt and uncle came to Rochester for brunch. It was so nice to get to spend time with so much family! Of course, we loved getting to spend the long weekend with Mini-me and Ms. S. We talked a lot about Ms. S's new job, the new house, the logistics of moving a household all of the way to Alaska, lavished attention on our grand pets, helped them find a new dresser (thanks to my Facebook Marketplace skills!) and we got to go out to dinner one last time at their (and our) favorite restaurant in Rochester, Forager. 

This Week I’m:  

Planning: Blog work this week. See "Feeling."

Thinking About: How much I'm going to miss being able to hop in the car after work and be up to see the kids before bedtime. I'm trying to focus, though, on how exciting this is for them and what a great opportunity it is. 

Feeling: Embarrassed. I know that a lot of things have slipped since my mom died but I didn't realize that I hadn't even posted comments since then, let alone responded to them! 

Looking forward to: A short work week and a possible return to working from home some days. 

Question of the week: Were you lucky enough to get a three-day weekend? If so, how did you spend that extra day?

Deer Season by Erin Flanagan

Deer Season by Erin Flanagan

Published September 2021 by University of Nebraska Press

Publisher's Summary:

It’s the opening weekend of deer season in Gunthrum, Nebraska, in 1985, and Alma Costagan’s intellectually disabled farmhand, Hal Bullard, has gone hunting with some of the locals, leaving her in a huff. That same weekend, a teenage girl goes missing, and Hal returns with a flimsy story about the blood in his truck and a dent near the headlight. When the situation escalates from that of a missing girl to something more sinister, Alma and her husband are forced to confront what Hal might be capable of, as rumors fly and townspeople see Hal’s violent past in a new light. 

A drama about the complicated relationships connecting the residents of a small-town farming community, Deer Season explores troubling questions about how far people will go to safeguard the ones they love and what it means to be a family.

My Thoughts: 

You know I was one of the first people the ladies at TLC Book Tours thought of when they were asked to host a tour for a book set in Nebraska. And you know I didn't hesitate to say "yes" when they asked me if I'd review it. But after it arrived, I began to worry. What if it was one of those books that makes all of the people in Nebraska look bad? What if I really didn't care for it? I wasn't entirely sure it was the right book at the right time for me, even after I'd started it. Then I realized that the University Press had published the book and they have never steered me wrong yet. So I pressed on, convinced that this would be a book worth reading. I was so right and by page 50, I was racing through this book even though it is a slow-build of a book, focused as it is on its characters. 

Alma Costagan is right up there with Olive Kitteridge as one of my all-time favorite characters who make it hard to like them but then you find yourself so attached to them. 

Alma met Clyle in college; he'd grown up in Gunthrum but she was a city girl. When they married, they never had any intention of living on a farm. But life doesn't always give you what you're expecting. When Clyle's father dies and his mother falls ill, Clyle and Alma move back to his parents' farm to care for it while she's still alive. But after she passed, first one thing and then another kept them just a while longer. Soon Alma realized that Clyle was really happy as a farmer and she agreed to become a farmer's wife and give up her career as a social worker because she loved him that much. But life in a small town in tough for newcomers and Alma, to be honest, didn't make it any easier for people to like her. That disappointment heaped on the disappointment of not having a family began to wear on the Costagan's relationship. 

One thing they did still agree on was that they would both do whatever it took to protect Hal, who they had taken under their wing when his father was imprisoned and his mother left town. Still, when Hal comes up early from a hunting trip with blood in his truck and throughout his house, telling them that he had shot a deer but made a mess of it trying to dress it, they both had suspicions about his story. When they find out that Peggy Ahern, a girl that Hal had a crush on, had gone missing, they both defended Hal from the inevitable town gossip even as they began to wonder what Hal might be capable of doing, even accidentally and what they might be willing to do to protect him. 

That's the suspense piece of this novel. But at it's heart, this is less a suspense novel than it is a work of literary fiction. It's a book about relationships - between spouses, between parents and children, between siblings, between neighbors. It's also a book about the secrets we keep, the dreams we hold tight to our chests, communication, guilt, and, yes, what it means to live in a small town where, even if you don't know absolutely everyone, you know enough of them so that, sooner or later, everyone knows your business even if they don't really know you.

“The list of what one person would never understand about another went on and on.”

This is an impressive novel, particularly when you consider that it is Flanagan's debut. I felt like I knew these people. Of course, I especially enjoyed the references to places I'm familiar with, including the town I was born in. But living in Nebraska is not a prerequisite for enjoying this book; I highly recommend it. 

Thanks to the ladies of TLC Book Tours for thinking of me for this book. For other, less biased reviews, check out the full tour here. 

Purchase Links:  University of Nebraska Press | Amazon | IndieBound 

About Erin Flanagan:

 Erin Flanagan is a professor at Wright State University. She is the author of two short story collections, The Usual Mistakes (Nebraska, 2005) and It’s Not Going to Kill You, and Other Stories(Bison Books, 2013). 

Connect with Erin:  Website | Twitter