Decluttering At The Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle With Stuff by Dana K. White

Decluttering At The Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle With Stuff by Dana K. White

240 pages

Published February 2018 by Nelson, Thomas Inc. 

Publisher's Summary:

While the world seems to be in love with the idea of tiny houses and minimalism, many of us simply can't purge it all and start from nothing. Yet a home with too much stuff is difficult to maintain, so where do we begin? Add in paralyzing emotional attachments and constant life challenges, and it can feel almost impossible to make real decluttering progress.

In Decluttering at the Speed of Life, decluttering expert and author Dana White identifies the mindsets and emotional challenges that make it difficult to declutter. In her signature humorous approach, she provides workable solutions to break through these struggles and get clutter out—for good!

Not only does Dana provide strategies, but she dives deep into how to implement them, no matter the reader's clutter level or emotional resistance to decluttering. She helps identify procrasticlutter—the stuff that will get done eventually so it doesn't seem urgent—as well as how to make progress when there's no time to declutter.

In Decluttering at the Speed of Life, Dana’s chapters cover:

• Why You Need This Book (You Know Why)
• Your Unique Home
• Decluttering in the Midst of Real Life
• Change Your Mind, Change Your Home
• Breaking Through Your Decluttering Delusions
• Working It Out Room by Room
• Helping Others Declutter

As long as we're living and breathing, new clutter will appear. The good news is that by following Dana’s advice, decluttering will get easier, become more natural, and require significantly fewer hours, less emotional bandwidth, and little to no sweat to keep going.

My Thoughts: 

You may well be wondering why someone who has read so many books about decluttering, done 40 Bags In 40 Days so many times, and who follows multiple organizing/simplifying accounts on social media would need to read yet another book about decluttering. Fair enough. Even I wondered why I was checking out another book about decluttering. But Myquillen Smith, the Cozy Minimalist, recommended it and she recommended this one as one of her favorites. So here we are. 

And guess what? 

I learned a different way to view and attack decluttering. Some of what White says goes entirely against what I've learned before but I can certainly see the logic of it, especially for those who are new to decluttering. 

White speaks from experience; while she may not have met the dictionary definition of "hoarder," she started married life in a house that already had too much in it when two complete households merged with no reduction in "stuff." White is a person that can't pass up a good bargain and held on to things because they "might" be useful in the future. Then kids came along, items were inherited, hobbies came and went. She knows how hard it is to start the process and how much it takes to change a mindset. 

Thus was born a desire to reset her life and along the way she has developed a system that worked for her and has now worked for thousands of others. White hosts a podcast, writes a blog, and is the author of three books. She's speaks from her own experience and those of people who have reached out to her. 

Here's what differed in her approach from other approaches I've learned about: 

• She advocates using the Visibility Rule: start with the most visible spaces first. White advises this will ensure the results of efforts will be visible which will inspire readers to keep going and increase decluttering energy. 
• She does not advocate emptying a space, because you might lose steam part way through the process and end up with a bigger mess than you started with or become so overwhelmed that you just stop. 
• She does not, in this book at least, correlate decluttering with organizing. White wants it to be clear that you cannot even think about organizing until after you have completely decluttered and maybe not even then. Perhaps just keeping things decluttered will be enough, using her steps, to keep things relatively organized. 

In every space White recommends readers follow five steps: 

• Step 1: Trash - this one is self-explanatory and the easiest of the steps. Start with the most visible mess and do as much as you can in the time you have. 
• Step 2: Do The Easy Stuff - "Easy stuff is the stuff that has an established home somewhere else." What's different for me in this step is that White advocates taking each thing you find that's out of place to the correct place immediately; she suggests that putting in a box to handle later causes a potential new problem. 
• Step 3: Duh Clutter - these are things that you immediately can see need to be donated. 
• Step 4: Ask the Two Decluttering Questions - 
• #1 - If I needed this item, where would I look for it first? Take it there immediately. 
• #2 - If I needed this item, would it ever occur to me that I already had one? This might be something you use so rarely that you forget you own it and buy another without thinking to look for it. 
• Step 5: Make It Fit - like other decluttering experts, White urges readers to think of their spaces as containers. Your home is a container; each room, each closet, each cupboard, each drawer is a container. First consolidate the things you've been left with after the first four steps and then purge down to the limits of the container. 

White takes readers through each of these steps, room by room, including hobby rooms and storage spaces. She talks about having to declutter dreams (the hobby you'd been so excited to start, the baby clothes when it becomes clear there will be no more children). There is a section on helping others, including friends, children, and spouses (sadly, there was no magic trick to get your spouse on board) and another section on decluttering when you have to do it all (moving, elderly parents). Finally, she talks about how decluttering has to become a lifestyle, that it is something that you will always need to keep doing. Which is just what I needed to hear - I so often feel that I am failing when I am once again decluttering areas that I have decluttered again and again. Some of the advice here is old news to me and some of the steps won't be necessary for me in most spaces. But I'm definitely going to try using this system in some areas that have confounded me over the years. Wish me luck! 

Keep The Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward with Your Life by Matt Paxton

Keep The Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward with Your Life by Matt Paxton

320 page

Published February 2022 by Penguin Publishing Group

Publisher's Summary: 

Your boxes of photos, family’s china, and even the kids' height charts aren’t just stuff; they’re attached to a lifetime of memories—and letting them go can be scary. With empathy, expertise, and humor, Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff, written in collaboration with AARP, helps you sift through years of clutter, let go of what no longer serves you, and identify the items worth keeping so that you can focus on living in the present.

 
For over 20 years, Matt Paxton has helped people from all walks of life who want to live more simply declutter and downsize. As a featured cleaner on Hoarders and host of the Emmy-nominated Legacy List with Matt Paxton on PBS, he has identified the psychological roadblocks that most organizational experts routinely miss but that prevent so many of us from lightening our material load. Using poignant stories from the thousands of individuals and families he has worked with, Paxton brings his signature insight to a necessary task. 
 
Whether you’re tired of living with clutter, making space for a loved one, or moving to a smaller home or retirement community, this book is for you. Paxton’s unique, step-by-step process gives you the tools you need to get the job done.

My Thoughts: 

You all know how I'm all about trying to find ways to declutter and organize my home so you'll also know that I'm always on the look out for books that will help me in that process. When Myquillyn Smith (The Nester) recommended this book, I immediately requested it from the library. 

Can I just tell you how much I wish I had read this book when it first came out? It would have made such a difference when it came time, in the summer of 2022, to begin clearing out my parents' home of 50+ years in preparation for my dad's move. In fact the big take away from this book is in the title - the things you have are not what's important, it's the memories those things stir that are what matters. 

I wish we would have spent more time asking my dad about the memories different things brought up and I wish I would have known about the Legacy List at that time. There's a lot of great information in this book for people who are looking to downsize or people who, like me, have to move their parent(s) out of a home they've lived in for a long time. In fact, there's a lot of great information for anyone who is getting ready to downsize and move for any reason, a lot of information on how to decide what to keep, how to find professionals to help with the processes, a lot of information on what steps to take and what order to take them in and all of it would make a great resource to have on hand. 

For me, for now at least, I'm not in the point in my life where this book is as helpful as it might be in another ten years (or, as I said, a couple of years ago). I'm not ready to become a minimalist nor to get rid of 90% of my photos. I have great respect for professionals who can offer valuable assistance in helping others (myself included) reduce the amount of stuff they have. But I sometimes feel like many of them push for a minimalist lifestyle that doesn't suit everyone. Still, there's a lot here that anyone can learn from, particularly those who are making a change in their lives. 

Life In Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World by Gretchen Rubin

Life In Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World by Gretchen Rubin

Read by Gretchen Rubin

7 hours, 20 minutes

Published April 2023 by Crown Publishing Group

Publisher's Summary: 

For more than a decade, Gretchen Rubin had been studying happiness and human nature. Then, one day, a visit to her eye doctor made her realize that she'd been overlooking a key element of happiness: her five senses. She'd spent so much time stuck in her head that she'd allowed the vital sensations of life to slip away, unnoticed. This epiphany lifted her from a state of foggy preoccupation into a world rediscovered by seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. 

In this journey of self-experimentation, Rubin explores the mysteries and joys of the five senses as a path to a happier, more mindful life. Drawing on cutting-edge science, philosophy, literature, and her own efforts to practice what she learns, she investigates the profound power of tuning in to the physical world. 

From the simple pleasures of appreciating the magic of ketchup and adding favorite songs to a playlist, to more adventurous efforts like creating a daily ritual of visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art and attending Flavor University, Rubin show us how to experience each day with depth, delight, and connection. In the rush of daily life, she finds, our five senses offer us an immediate, sustainable way to cheer up, calm down, and engage the world around us-as well as a way to glimpse the soul and touch the transcendent. 

Life in Five Senses is an absorbing, layered story of discovery filled with profound insights and practical suggestions about how to heighten our senses and use our powers of perception to live fuller, richer lives-and, ultimately, how to move through the world with more vitality and love.

My Thoughts: 

I'm a big fan of Rubin's. I regularly listen to her podcast, Happier (which gave me one of my greatest rules - if it can be done in one minute or less, do it immediately) and this is the third of her books that I've read. Every time I read one of her books, I'm inspired to follow suite. In 2017, when I read The Happiness Project, I launched my own happiness project. To be fair, I never finished it, life having intervened; but I took away the idea that I should look for happiness in life with intention. In 2020, when I read Outer Order, Inner Calm, I was reenergized to declutter my home (8 months after I read it, my mom died, upending my life and ability to work on my own home as much as I wanted). Still, I have carried with me the golden rule from that book that there should be nothing in my home that I do not find to be useful or believe to be beautiful; whenever I'm working on a space, I bear this in mind and it has allowed me to part with things I was struggling to purge. 

As I was listening to Rubin talk here about how she came to realize that she was under appreciating her five senses, I realized that I was doing the same thing. We are all aware that we can see, smell, hear, taste and touch. But how often do we really think about what we're seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting and touching? How often are we intentionally looking for ways to use our senses and to learn more about them? If you're like me, the answer is not often enough. As always, in listening to this book, I was inspired by Rubin to do better. 

Rubin always goes all in on her projects. Some of the things Rubin tried for this project were things that definitely seemed out of her wheelhouse (apparently I feel like I know her well enough to know what is and what isn't in her wheelhouse!), including a sensory deprivation tank and experiencing ayahuasca. Kudos to her for being brave enough to try them. They would definitely be a hard pass for me, as would be the three days weekend she spent in complete silence. But taking a perfumery course? I could see myself giving that a try. Has she convinced me to rethink ketchup? Maybe. 

I think that I'm pretty in tune with my senses; it's more a matter of being daily aware of them and working to expand them. For example, textures are something I'm keenly aware of and know what I like and don't like. Coconut? Might be ok as a flavor but I can't abide the texture. Microfiber cloth? Cannot stand the feel of it and refuse to use it to clean or sleep on it. Could I learn more about why I like or dislike certain things? Certainly. I love music, but not all music. What is it about some songs that I like and others that I don't? Taste - could I train myself to appreciate different spices more and to really be able to pick flavors out in foods? Probably and I'm surely willing to work on that. 

Will I start my own project to learn more about my senses? Probably not. I learned a lot about the senses from Rubin's own research, to begin with; and I don't have the bandwidth for it right now. I am going to try to be more aware, day to day, of the ways life around me impacts my senses and to go out of my way to find new ways to experience them. 

Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist

Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist 

Read by Shauna Niequist

4 hours, 44 minutes

Published August 2016 by Zondervan

Publisher's Summary: 

A few years ago, Shauna found herself exhausted and isolated, her soul and body sick. She was tired of being tired and burned out on busy. It seemed like almost everyone she talked to was in the same boat: longing for connection, meaning, and depth, but settling for busy.

But then something changed. She decided to trade the hustle and bustle for grace, love, stillness, and play, and it changed everything. Shauna offers an honest account of what led her to begin this journey and a compelling vision for an entirely new way to live: soaked in rest, silence, simplicity, prayer, and connection with the people who matter most to us.

As you witness Shauna's journey, you'll be inspired to embark on one of your own. She gives you the encouragement you need to:

Put an end to people-pleasing tendencies
Embrace moments of simplicity, quiet, and stillness
Accept that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy

Written in Shauna's warm and vulnerable style, this collection of essays focuses on the most important transformation in her life, and maybe yours too: leaving behind busyness and frantic living and rediscovering the person you were made to be. Present Over Perfect is a hand reaching out, pulling you free from the constant pressure to perform faster, push harder, and produce more while maintaining an exhausting image of perfection.

My Thoughts: 

One of my coworkers is going through very similar situations with some family members as I have been going through with my dad and through the same work environment. We've had a lot of conversations about the mental, and even physical, toll it has taken on us. She is also a big reader so we often exchange book recommendations. I have never disagreed with her about any book she has recommended to me (although she was not a fan of Lone Women, which she learned about from me; but, in my defense, I told her I liked it but I did not recommend it as something she might like!). So when she came into work one day, excited about this book and already putting Niequist's recommendations into practice, I immediately requested it from the library. 

One thing I immediately realized was that Niequist leaned heavily into her religious beliefs through her journey. I am no longer what I would call "religious;" rather I would say that I am "spiritual." So I did have to adapt what Niequist was suggesting regarding prayer and turning things over to God into something that I could relate to and use in my own way. In some places, that was harder to do than others. Those of you who are religious will find that Niequist recommends what so many others have done - turn your life over to your god and believe that they will create that outcomes that are right for you. For me, that means acknowledging that some things are simply out of my hands and that my higher power will be there for me regardless of the outcome. 

Niequist has a lot of famous friends, Jen Hatmaker and Glennon Doyle among them. As I'm fans of both of those folks, their praise of Niequist makes me appreciate that her ideas might just work for me. Saying "no." Cancelling when you need to do so. Making your life easier.

I'd like to tell you that, when I was finished, I stopped worrying about how clean or cluttered my house is and just decided that I would learn to live with what I could do with the time and energy that I have after I've done the things that have to be done. I haven't. But I have given myself permission to not do things simply out of guilt or a need to prove myself worthy of love and respect (ok, I'm doing that some of the time; it's a work in progress). One day that may mean the end of this blog. It's work to keep up and I'm not getting the interaction I used to get out of it (that's on me as much as anyone but it's a fact) which makes it less fun than it once was. I may even learn to say "no" to my kids one of these days.

Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age by Katherine May

Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age by Katherine May

Read by Rebecca Lee

5 hours, 8 minutes

Published February 2023 by Penguin Publishing Group 

Publisher's Summary: 

Many of us feel trapped in a grind of constant change: rolling news cycles, the chatter of social media, our families split along partisan lines. We feel fearful and tired, on edge in our bodies, not quite knowing what has us perpetually depleted. For Katherine May, this low hum of fatigue and anxiety made her wonder what she was missing. Could there be a different way to relate to the world, one that would allow her to feel more rested and at ease, even as seismic changes unfold on the planet? Might there be a way for all of us to move through life with curiosity and tenderness, sensitized to the subtle magic all around? 

In Enchantment, May invites the reader to come with her on a journey to reawaken our innate sense of wonder and awe. With humor, candor, and warmth, she shares stories of her own struggles with work, family, and the aftereffects of pandemic, particularly feelings of overwhelm as the world rushes to reopen. Craving a different way to live, May begins to explore the restorative properties of the natural world, moving through the elements of earth, water, fire, and air and identifying the quiet traces of magic that can be found only when we look for them. Through deliberate attention and ritual, she unearths the potency and nourishment that come from quiet reconnection with our immediate environment. Blending lyricism and storytelling, sensitivity and empathy, Enchantment invites each of us to open the door to human experience in all its sensual complexity, and to find the beauty waiting for us there.

My Thoughts: 

Three years ago I read Katherine May's Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times and came away understanding better my need, both in general and at a time when we were just coming out of the worst of CoVid, to retreat from the world. I loved both May's personal story and the ideas she shared that could help others get through low times in their lives. So, as a person who deals with anxiety, I was eager to read this one. 

What I liked: 

• Once again May is incredibly open and honest about her struggles with mental illness. 
• I loved the idea of trying to regain the sense of awe of the natural world that she had as a child, as all children tend to have. It's one of the reasons I so enjoy sitting on my patio on a lovely June evening and waiting for the fire flies to appear, reminding me of the neighborhood children capturing them in mason jars. 
• I appreciated the push to look for the beauty in nature, even where it's not always so obvious. It's easy to be take nature for granted, to be so wrapped up in our own lives that we don't take the time to look around us. I'm always taken by the intricacy of bare tree branches against the blue sky in the winter, for example. 
• Rebecca Lee does a fine job as the reader. 

What didn't work for me: 

• This is probably more on me than May, because I was expected to come away with specific ideas I could transfer to my own life, rather than just generalizations which was what I felt like I got. 
• This book felt much more specific to May and less relatable to other people. Well, at least to this person. It was a disappointment because I had such high hopes for it. 

What About Men? A Feminist Answers The Question by Caitlin Moran

What About Men? A Feminist Answers The Question by Caitlin Moran

320 pages

Published September 2023 by HarperCollins Publisher

Publisher's Summary: 

Like anyone who discusses the problems of girls and women in public, Caitlin Moran has often been confronted with the question: “But what about men?” And at first, tbh, she dgaf. Boys, and men, are fine, right? Feminism doesn’t need to worry about them.

However, around the time she heard an angry young man saying he was “boycotting” International Women’ Day because “It's easier to be a woman than a man these days,” she started to wonder: are unhappy boys, and men, also making unhappy women? The statistics on male misery are grim: boys are falling behind in school, are at greater risk of depression, greater risk of suicide, and, most pertinently, are increasingly at risk from online misogynist radicalization. Will the Sixth Wave of feminism need to fix the men, if it wants to fix the women?

Moran began to investigate—talking to her husband, close male friends, and her daughters' friends: bringing up very difficult and candid topics, and receiving vulnerable and honest responses. So: what about men? Why do they only go to the doctor if their partner makes them? Why do they never discuss their penises with each other—but make endless jokes about their balls? What is porn doing for young men? Is sexual strangling a good hobby for young people to have? Are men ever allowed to be sad? Are they ever allowed to lose? Have Men's Rights Activists confused “power” with “empowerment”? Are Mid-Life Crises actually quite cool? And what’s the deal with Jordan Peterson’s lobster?

In this thoughtful, warm, provocative book, Moran opens a genuinely new debate about how to reboot masculinity for the twenty-first century, so that “straight white man” doesn’t automatically mean bad news—but also uses the opportunity to make a lot of jokes about testicles, and trousers. Because if men have neither learned to mine their deepest anxieties about masculinity for comedy, nor answered the question “What About Men?,” then it’s up to a busy woman to do it.

My Thoughts: 

I'm a huge fan of Moran (this is the fourth of her books that I've read). She's funny, smart, does the work to make sure she's getting it right, and is the feminist I wish I were. Which, of course, made me question why a feminist was writing a book about men (and I'm sure a lot of men might be wondering why any woman is writing a book about men). But, again, I know Moran to be someone who will have done the research to make sure she's coming from a point of knowledge, grounded in what she's learned. What she's learned, as it turns out, comes largely from doing the work of asking men the questions. 

I came away feeling like I'd learned an awfully lot from Moran, that I had a better understanding of what it's like to grow up as a man and the challenges that they face. There were parts where I didn't agree with Moran (I have been, after all, married to a man for 42 years and am the mother of two grown men so I have some knowledge on this subject of my own). 

Stuart Jeffries, writing for The Guardian, found a lot to dislike about this one (and he is, after all, actually a man). Moran, for example, writes that you will not find the kinds of self-help books for men, written by men, that you will find in any bookstore anywhere for women. Jeffries, on the other hand, points out what he says are two excellent books for men, written both authors that are both from the same town as Moran. And I have to agree with Jeffries when he writes, in response to Moran positing that the patriarchy is screwing over men as much as it is women: 

"The patriarchy does have its downsides for men, but its most terrible consequences such as raping, underpaying, genitally mutilating, harassing both at work and on the street are overwhelmingly things that men do to women. Or is there a memo I didn’t get?"

I do have to agree that some of what Moran writes is pretty stereotypical - men dress boringly, to some extent to avoid being accused of being gay. All three of my guys do not fit Moran's thesis at all; all three of them care very much about what they wear, how it fits, and spend time considering what they will wear. 

All of that aside, I think this is more of a book for women to read to try to learn more about men than one that men will pick up. That being the case, it may well provide women with the kinds of questions that can ask of their friends, husbands, significant others, and sons, that will open up conversations that certainly need to be had. Take, for example, the chapter about how harmful the ready access to pornography has been for men, particularly young men. It has rewired their brains to the point where a not insignificant percentage of them find actual sex lacking. And there is a chapter about what our young men can find out in the "manosphere," much of which is quite alarming. 

Is this a book without faults? No. Would you be wise to take this as an opportunity to ask your guys some of the same questions? Yes. I wish I had read this book twenty years ago, when my oldest's male friends were in my house constantly. I wish I would have thought to ask the questions and address the issues that Moran raises here. There is no reason that some of the problems that young men (and, consequently, grown men) deal with can't be chipped away at, one person at a time. Take this as a starting point. 

 

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson

Published January 2018 by Scribner

128 pages

Publisher's Summary: 

In Sweden there is a kind of decluttering called döstädning, dö meaning “death” and städning meaning “cleaning.” This surprising and invigorating process of clearing out unnecessary belongings can be undertaken at any age or life stage but should be done sooner than later, before others have to do it for you. In The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, artist Margareta Magnusson, with Scandinavian humor and wisdom, instructs readers to embrace minimalism. Her radical and joyous method for putting things in order helps families broach sensitive conversations, and makes the process uplifting rather than overwhelming. 

Margareta suggests which possessions you can easily get rid of (unworn clothes, unwanted presents, more plates than you’d ever use) and which you might want to keep (photographs, love letters, a few of your children’s art projects). Digging into her late husband’s tool shed, and her own secret drawer of vices, Margareta introduces an element of fun to a potentially daunting task. Along the way readers get a glimpse into her life in Sweden, and also become more comfortable with the idea of letting go.

My Thoughts:

You know how much I love to organize and how I'm always working to declutter my house (and still we're overwhelmed!). Any time I hear about a new idea to help with that process, I'm interested. But it wasn't until I heard someone talking about Swedish death cleaning on a podcast recently that I decided it was time to learn more. 

The concept it this: one day you will die and your loved ones will have to go through all of the things you have saved over the years and you can make their lives so much easier if you will take the time, particularly as you get older, to get rid of things that will have no real value to anyone else once you're gone. 

Not everything. Magnusson doesn't suggest that you get rid of everything you love or even live a minimalist life. She admits to being "somewhere between eighty and one hundred" and still keeps on a shelf a large stuffed animal of which she's quite fond. But, similarly to Marie Kondo, she recommends you go through things you don't use any more, take a moment to recall the memories they carry, and then get rid of them. Unlike some other methods, Magnusson's ideas about Swedish death cleaning recommend taking your time, advising that it may take years before you can go through everything. Even more reason to start now and not what until you're too old and it's even harder to part with things. 

Magnusson is big on shredding and tossing (some of the things she said she tossed seemed to me to be things she might have donated to a charity). She has also sold many of the things she got rid of, often without even asking her family if anyone might want the item. I'm sure that's meant to avoid any fighting amongst her family; but, having just cleaned out my parents' home, I know it can be done without fighting (I can't swear there were never any hard feelings or things people might have wanted that they didn't get). I also know that there were items that I was the only person who really wanted. Imagine if I had been looking forward to one day having the stewardship of that item, only to discover that my mom had sold it.

Magnusson has a sweet way about her and the book has a very personal feel. I can't say that there was a lot here that was new for me; but it was good reminder that we all have well more than we need and well more than I would ever want our children to have to deal with. I finished the book about a week ago and have already found that it has provided the encouragement I needed to let go of some things I might otherwise have held on to for emotional reasons, which is where I always struggle. For that I am grateful for this book.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

352 pages

Read by Kathe Mazur

10 hours, 39 minutes

Published January 2012 by Crown Publishing Group

Publisher's Summary:

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over working in teams. It is to introverts—Rosa Parks, Chopin, Dr. Seuss, Steve Wozniak—that we owe many of the great contributions to society.

In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so. She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture. She also introduces us to successful introverts—from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Passionately argued, impeccably researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how they see themselves.

My Thoughts:

It was my intention, two days ago, to sit down and knock this review out quickly. Time has been short this week; and, since it's been a couple of weeks and books since I finished listening to this book, my memory of the details was growing faint. But the problem with that plan is that I (finally!) found my print copy. Because of that, I felt the need to look up some of the things that really resonated with me. Which was a lot, what with being an introvert. 

In the introduction to the book, there is a bit of a quiz to determine whether a person is merely shy or an introvert. The more "yes" answers to the question, the more introvert you probably are, says Cain. It wasn't much of a surprise to me to find that I had I answered "yes" to almost all of the questions. What was a surprise was to have Cain say that "shy" is not necessarily the same thing as being introverted. An extrovert can be shy. Introversion, she says, "is a preference for environments that are not overwhelming. Yep, that's me. Shyness "is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation. Yep, also me. 

It gets pretty depressing as Cain describes how extroversion has become the ideal. The ideal that those who become leaders are those who are charismatic or who speak up on groups. It's irrelevant whether or not their ideas are particularly great and they may overwhelm those who may have better ideas but who won't speak up. 

But Cain, of course, doesn't leave introverts without hope. She introduces us to introverts who have risen to the top. You may have heard of an introvert named Warren Buffet. Yep, the guy who is one of the richest people in the country and who annually gets up in front of thousands of stockholders to lead a discussion. Cain also introduces us to former Harvard University Professor Brian Little, a professor who was so effusive and dynamic in the classroom that his courses were always oversubscribed. But Professor Little had a secret; while he was able to occasionally break into song and dance during class, he needed quiet time afterward to recharge his batteries. Professor Little is also an introvert. And just how do these men manage to pull these shows off? They've learned how to be extroverted when they are passionate about what they are talking about and when it's what's required of them. Folks, I'm going to be re-reading this section of the book again soon to really absorb what that will entail. 

I would certainly highly recommend this book for parents of children, young children in particular, who are raising introverts. I so wish I had had this kind of advice when I was raising my introvert. The problem, though, for me, was that I am not raising an introverted child any more; while I could see where a lot of what Cain has to say would have been helpful, it was no longer relevant to me. Had I been reading, rather than listening, I probably would have skimmed over this chapter. But again - if you have an introverted child, this book is worth the price for that chapter alone.

And then there's the chapter about a couple - he's an extrovert, she's an introvert. Yep, that sound familiar. They had been fighting about his desire to have work-related people over every weekend. She preferred the idea of that never happening. Not only did they not understand the other person's desire, they didn't understand the way each other fought. That's a battle my husband and I have been fighting for four decades. These days, we've worked it out pretty well. I've learned that I'll probably enjoy myself once I'm out as long as we're doing something I'm interested in doing so I agree to doing those things. Other things, my husband may attend alone or with a friend. Years ago, it made me angry when he wouldn't just stay home when I didn't want to go somewhere; now I appreciate that I get time to myself and he gets what recharges his batteries. Which is not to say that we have it entirely worked out so this is another chapter I'll be referring back to again. 

I've been meaning to read this book for years. I've had it on my bookshelf for several of those. Why did I put off reading a book that could help me understand myself better and give me tips to make it easier to live and succeed as an introvert? I have no idea but I'm certainly happy that I finally picked it up. I highly recommend it. 

Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It? by Kim and Penn Holderness

Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It? by Kim and Penn Holderness

Published March 2021 by Nelson, Thomas Inc.

Publisher's Summary: 

Learn how to fight better and end your arguments with your partner feeling closer, more loved, and better understood.

We take our cars in for oil changes. We mow our lawns and pull weeds. Why don’t we do maintenance on our marriages? This relationship is the most important one we will ever have, so why not get better at it?

For the last several years, Penn and Kim Holderness of The Holderness Family have done the hard maintenance and the research to learn how to fight better. With the help of their marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, they break down their biggest (and in some cases, funniest) fights. How did a question about chicken wings turn into a bra fight (no, not a-bar-fight; a-bra-fight)? How did a roll of toilet paper lead to tears, resentment, and a stint in the guest bedroom?

With their trademark sense of humor and complete vulnerability, Penn and Kim share their 10 most common Fight Fails and how to combat them. Throughout the book, they offer scripts for how to start, continue, and successfully close hard conversations. Couples will emerge equipped to engage and understand, not do battle—and maybe laugh a little more along the way.

In Everybody Fights, couples will learn how to:

Use “magic words” for healthy conflict resolution
Address unspoken and unrealistic expectations
Banish the three Ds of unhealthy communication—distraction, denial, and delay
Carry individual baggage while helping your partner deal with theirs

Penn and Kim want you to know you’re not alone. Everybody fights. Marriage is messy. Marriage is work. But marriage is worth it. Fight for it!

My Thoughts:

I discovered Kim and Penn Holderness on Facebook and, honestly, their videos helped me survive 2020. They are funny, creative, and I may have a little more in common with Kim than I'd like to admit (let's just say that neither of us was particularly eager to have the lockdown end since it meant we'd have to return to social responsibilities). And, of course, they appear to have so much fun together and understand each others peculiarities and get along so well.

Not so fast. They want us to know that, like all of us who are married, life's not always so rosy. In fact, they readily admit that they fight a lot. To be fair, they are together almost 24 hours a day, every day, CoVid or not. Who wouldn't fight? Plus, they are two very different people. Most couples I know are - that's what draws us to one another, the balance the other brings to our lives. It can also lead to disagreements...oh, let's call them what they so often are - fights. 

Being church-going people, they turned to their minister (pastor? heck, I don't remember which he is), who is also educated in marriage counseling, for therapy. And he's had some great ideas for them, which they are happy to share with us, along with a lot of things they have learned from researching the topic. 

Every chapter starts with a fight that Kim and Penn have had. Each gets their turn to tell their side of the story (because we all know that there are always two sides to every story) and then they let us in on what they've learned about what caused that particular kind of fight and how to learn from it, make future fights like it not as harmful, and how to get past it. 

The Holderness' have been married something like 15 years. I'm not sure that what works for couple who have been married that long would work for couples like my husband and I, who have been married almost 39 years. 

One of the chapters suggests that married couples need to do a better job of thanking each other for the things that each of them do. I'm agree; that's probably one of the things that people who have been married longer need to be conscious of even more than those who are newly wed. But whilst they suggest that something like "Thanks for driving" is good, "magic words" to use might be "You drove for so long! All I did was sit here and scroll through my phone, which I desperately needed, while you stared at the boring road for three hours. I feel so much more relaxed now." First, I'm pretty sure my husband is happy just to have his work acknowledged. Second, I don't know that emphasizing how relaxed I feel is the best way to thank him. And last, I'm pretty sure we'd both start laughing if we talked like that to each other. 

Another chapter, though, is about secret contracts. "Secret contracts are the silent deals you makes with your partner by default and through routine. They are tasks we take on and identities we assume with an invisible handshake at the start of a relationship that we continue till death do us part - or until something happens that reveals the contract needs to be redlined." Now here is something I think every married couple can relate to, maybe more so then longer you've been married. Those are the things that can result in fights about who does more and that pigeon hole us into roles that we don't always want to be in. Recognizing that these things exist is the first step in understanding how to revise them and the book helps readers go on from there. 

Will all of the solutions to helping readers resolve marital conflicts be easy or comfortable? No. If you don't already sit down periodically to have discussions about your relationship, it's going to feel very strange. In fact, one of the chapters discusses the idea that we need to just sit down and look each other eye to eye, which is bound to make most couple uncomfortable. The Holdernesses want readers to understand that the discomfort of those conversations is much easier than the pain of the fights and the damage it can do to the individuals in the marriage and the marriage itself. Look at that second paragraph of the publisher's summary - why don't we make the time to maintain our marriages? 

Like everything they do, Penn and Kim fill the book with humor. But they tackle the big issues head on - money, marital roles, and sex. It's worth a read for any couple but I think it's one that might be particularly useful for young couples to set them off on the right foot. Now I'm off to put together a plan about how we're going to work these things into our lives - starting with those secret contracts!

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May

Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat In Difficult Times by Katherine May

Published November 2020 by Penguin Publishing Group

Source: checked out from my local library

Publisher's Summary:

Sometimes you slip through the cracks: unforeseen circumstances like an abrupt illness, the death of a loved one, a break up, or a job loss can derail a life. These periods of dislocation can be lonely and unexpected. For May, her husband fell ill, her son stopped attending school, and her own medical issues led her to leave a demanding job. Wintering explores how she not only endured this painful time, but embraced the singular opportunities it offered. 

A moving personal narrative shot through with lessons from literature, mythology, and the natural world, May's story offers instruction on the transformative power of rest and retreat. Illumination emerges from many sources: solstice celebrations and dormice hibernation, C.S. Lewis and Sylvia Plath, swimming in icy waters and sailing arctic seas. 

Ultimately Wintering invites us to change how we relate to our own fallow times. May models an active acceptance of sadness and finds nourishment in deep retreat, joy in the hushed beauty of winter, and encouragement in understanding life as cyclical, not linear. A secular mystic, May forms a guiding philosophy for transforming the hardships that arise before the ushering in of a new season.

My Thoughts: 

"Everybody winters at one time or another: some winter over and over again."

I'm can't recall who recommended this - one of my blogging friends. Thank you to whoever it was who brought it to my attention. This was another of those books that was the right book at the right time. But even if I had read it at another time, it is still a book that had much to offer to me, as a person who has wintered over and over again.

"There are gaps in the mesh of the everyday world, and sometimes they open up and you fall through them into somewhere else. Somewhere Else runs at a different pace to the here and now, where everyone else carries on. Somewhere Else is where ghosts live, concealed from view and only glimpsed by people in the real world. Somewhere Else exists at a delay, so that you can’t quite keep pace."

Chapters are divided by winter month names but they are really time that May has wintered. I got so wrapped up in her personal story that it took me a bit to settle into the ways that what she did could be used to help others learn how to get through low periods in their lives.  

"Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness or a life event such as a bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from a humiliation or failure. Perhaps you’re in a period of transition and have temporarily fallen between two worlds. Some winterings creep upon us more slowly, accompanying the protracted death of a relationship, the gradual ratcheting up of caring responsibilities as our parents age, the drip-drip-drip of lost confidence. Some are appallingly sudden , like discovering one day that your skills are considered obsolete, the company you worked for has gone bankrupt, or your partner is in love with someone new. However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful."

As much as I enjoyed the book and felt I'd learned a lot from it, I didn't realize just how much until I went back and copied the many sections that I had bookmarked. I'm going to keep those notes handy. I know I'll come out of this period but I know, from experience, that I will have another period. It might not take something as traumatic as losing a parent, but it will come. Next time I will be better prepared. I will know that what I need to do is to allow myself to feel wintering as a need. "It is the courage to stare down the worst parts of our experience to commit to healing them the best we can." We need to understand that we need to allow ourselves to take care of ourselves during this time and to embrace it. 

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Published March 2020 by Random House Publishing Group

Source: checked out from my local library

Publisher's Summary:

This is how you find yourself. 

There is a voice of longing inside each woman. We strive so mightily to be good: good partners, daughters, mothers, employees, and friends. We hope all this striving will make us feel alive. Instead, it leaves us feeling weary, stuck, overwhelmed, and underwhelmed. We look at our lives and wonder: Wasn’t it all supposed to be more beautiful than this? We quickly silence that question, telling ourselves to be grateful, hiding our discontent—even from ourselves. 

For many years, Glennon Doyle denied her own discontent. Then, while speaking at a conference, she looked at a woman across the room and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind: There She Is. At first, Glennon assumed these words came to her from on high. But she soon realized they had come to her from within. This was her own voice—the one she had buried beneath decades of numbing addictions, cultural conditioning, and institutional allegiances. This was the voice of the girl she had been before the world told her who to be. Glennon decided to quit abandoning herself and to instead abandon the world’s expectations of her. She quit being good so she could be free. She quit pleasing and started living. 

Soulful and uproarious, forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanizing wake-up call. It is the story of how one woman learned that a responsible mother is not one who slowly dies for her children, but one who shows them how to fully live. It is the story of navigating divorce, forming a new blended family, and discovering that the brokenness or wholeness of a family depends not on its structure but on each member’s ability to bring her full self to the table. And it is the story of how each of us can begin to trust ourselves enough to set boundaries, make peace with our bodies, honor our anger and heartbreak, and unleash our truest, wildest instincts so that we become women who can finally look at ourselves and say: There She Is. 

Untamed shows us how to be brave. As Glennon insists: The braver we are, the luckier we get.

My Thoughts:

I don't really know why I requested this book from my library, which should tell you that I had no idea what it was about when I requested it. Fiction? Nonfiction? Short stories? Literally, no idea. Imagine my surprise, as someone who reads very little in the way of what might be called "self-help" books to find that this, then, is what I was reading. 

I'll be honest; it took me a little while to get into this one, even though Doyle certainly has a interesting story and, for the most part, I enjoyed her writing style. Oh heck, let's just get the stuff I didn't like out of the way while we're here. The first thing is that I couldn't quite tell if this was a series of articles or writings that happened organically or if Doyle sat down to write the book straight through, which wouldn't be a big deal except that there were what I would call, for lack of a better phrase, a continuity problem. In one chapter, Doyle would continually refer to her wife and in the next chapter she would call her by name; there was very little point in saying "my wife" so often after that (unless she still just loves to hear that, which she might). That's a little thing, just a niggling annoyance. But what I liked less (and it's a problem I often have with this kind of book), was the "I've got it all figured out and my way is right" impression I often got from Doyle. The thing is, there's plenty here to suggest that she spent a lot of years getting to this point and made a lot of mistakes along the way. Maybe what I want is something along the lines of "I screwed up a lot but here's an example of a time I feel like I got it right and maybe it would work for you, too." 

All that said, I liked this book overall. I liked it a lot. 

Having an addict in the family has made me appreciative of what it takes for a person to overcome their addictions. I guarantee that Doyle doesn't get us the full story of how she recovered. It's certainly possible to wake up one day and decide you're going to get clean but it doesn't keep happening without struggle and we don't see that. But that's not what the book is about so it's ok and I can understand how that may have influenced the way she lived after that. 

As a person who knew early on that I wanted to be a mother, I often find it annoying when people make it seem that being devoted to your children is also killing your true self. On the other hand, when I was a stay-at-home mom, it didn't take me long to realize that I needed more and I had to find a way to make that work. Doyle makes it clear that deciding that she needed to live for herself as much as she lived for her children didn't mean she loved her children less or mothered them less. 

Doyle writes a lot about feelings and how we need to allow ourselves to feel all of our feelings and to listen to what they are telling us; "...being fully human is not about feeling happy it's about feeling everything." 

"Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that's what they're for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that you're doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes." 

In other words, it's ok to be sad. Or angry. But also, spend some time with those feelings and find out why you are sad or angry. It's an opportunity to learn something about yourself and a chance to do things differently to try to avoid being sad or angry for that same reason again and again. 

"Consumer culture promises us that we can buy our way out of pain - that the reason we're sad and angry is not that being human hurts; it's because we don't have those countertops, her thighs, these jeans. It's a clever way to run an economy, but it is no way to run a life. Consuming keeps us distracted, busy, and numb. Numbness keeps us from becoming."

I highlighted a lot of passages about bravery, raising girls and boys and how we are programmed from an early age, revolution, mental illness, and helping people. But where Doyle really grabbed me and convinced me that she was someone that I will keep following, was when she wrote about racism and religion. You know by what I've been reading (and especially if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram), that I've been working hard to educate myself about racism and to change my ingrained thinking. Again and again, I've seen black people tell white people to ask their white friends that know more than they do how they can help. Doyle feels like that person, the one you can turn to who will help you understand and do better. 

I've been struggling with religion for years and about a year ago, I had all but given up on it entirely. But my daughter, who has learned through her recovery to believe in a Higher Spirit which is not necessarily God, has always kept me thinking about that idea. But I wasn't sure how that worked for me. Doyle, who does believe in God, gave up on organized religion a while ago but writes extensively about her faith. "In fact, my favorite idea of faith is  a belief in the unseen order of things." Doyle's ideas about faith spoke to me. Before I return this book to the library, I'll be reading those passage again and will be taking notes that I can refer back to when I need it. 

So while I may have had some problems with this book, there was so much that felt like Doyle knew exactly what I needed to hear. She's not a writer, or a person, for everyone. But Doyle is ok with that. She's worked hard to get to that point in her life. 

Outer Order, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin

Outer Order, Inner Calm: Declutter and Organize to Make More Room for Happiness by Gretchen Rubin
Read by Gretchen Rubin
Published March 2019 by Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Source: audiobook checked out from my local library

Publisher's Summary:
Gretchen Rubin knows firsthand that creating order can make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. But for most of us, a rigid, one-size-fits-all solution doesn't work. When we tailor our approach to suit our own particular challenges and habits, we can find inner calm.

With a sense of fun, and a clear idea of what’s realistic for most people, Rubin suggests dozens of manageable tips and tricks for creating a more serene, orderly environment, including:

• Never label anything “miscellaneous.”
• Ask yourself, “Do I need more than one?”
• Don’t aim for minimalism.
• Remember: If you can’t retrieve it, you won’t use it.
• Stay current with a child’s interests.
• Beware the urge to “procrasticlear.”

By getting rid of things we don’t use, don’t need, or don’t love, we free our minds (and our shelves) for what we truly value.


My Thoughts:
Let's be honest, you don't really need to read my review to know, if you read my Sunday posts regularly, that this was a book that was perfect for me. I'm forever talking about how much better I feel when I've decluttered a closet or made a drop off at my local Goodwill. Which might also beg the question, why did I even bother to read this book given that I'm already on board?

Well, to begin with, every book I read about decluttering brings me fresh ideas and the inspiration to dig back in to all of our "stuff." Different people bring different approaches - Marie Kondo believes that her method will work for everyone and has some very definite ideas about how things must be done. Rubin, on the other hand, believes that there is no one-size-fits-all solution for anything, including decluttering. Instead she offers a wide variety of ideas that can be tailored to the way that you live, learn, and are most productive.

The reason to work toward achieving outer order is essentially the same no matter what approach you use. According to Rubin:

"Outer order saves time, money, space, energy, and patience."

Further, she does offer this "golden rule" that is the one thing she says will help everyone.

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." 

Now that's a rule I think we can all strive for; at least we're not holding up our toilet plungers asking ourselves if they bring us joy.

To be honest, there was a lot here that was not new to me since I listen to Rubin's Happier podcast. Still, I'm seriously considering picking up this book in print. I recently confessed to my friends, who know me to be a person who loves to clear things out, that I have a hard time getting rid my kids thing. In this book, I may have found the push I need to, at the very least, vastly reduce what I've kept. But I feel like I need the book at hand to remind me to do that. On the other hand, Rubin does tell readers to ask themselves if they need more than one. And you know that I already have a half dozen organizing books sitting on my bookshelves collecting dust. The struggle is real people, which is why I'm always looking for new inspiration!

The Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll

The Bullet Journal Method: Track The Past, Order The Present, Design The Future by Ryder Carroll
Published October 2018 by Penguin Publishing Group
Source: checked out from my local library

Publisher's Summary:
For years Ryder Carroll tried countless organizing systems, online and off, but none of them fit the way his mind worked. Out of sheer necessity, he developed a method called the Bullet Journal that helped him become consistently focused and effective. When he started sharing his system with friends who faced similar challenges, it went viral. Just a few years later, to his astonishment, Bullet Journaling is a global movement.

The Bullet Journal Method is about much more than organizing your notes and to-do lists. It's about what Carroll calls "intentional living": weeding out distractions and focusing your time and energy in pursuit of what's truly meaningful, in both your work and your personal life. It's about spending more time with what you care about, by working on fewer things. His new book shows you how to...

• Track the past: Using nothing more than a pen and paper, create a clear and comprehensive record of your thoughts.

• Order the present: Find daily calm by tackling your to-do list in a more mindful, systematic, and productive way.

• Design the future: Transform your vague curiosities into meaningful goals, and then break those goals into manageable action steps that lead to big change.

Carroll wrote this book for frustrated list-makers, overwhelmed multitaskers, and creatives who need some structure. Whether you've used a Bullet Journal for years or have never seen one before, The Bullet Journal Method will help you go from passenger to pilot of your own life.


My Thoughts:

Does this picture help you understand how much I loved this book? I mean, it's a book about creating a book to help organize your life. How was I not going to love it?

I'm on my fifth year of using a bullet journal and it's been an evolving process. In the beginning, I was working hard to be as creative as possible with my journal, carrying around a box of colored pencils and then markers, along with washi tape and stencils. It didn't take me long to figure out that, as much as I admire journals that are colorful and creative, it was more work than I wanted to put into my journals. So I went back to Carroll's website to really get a feel for the process (https://bulletjournal.com).

This book reinforces the process but also dives deep into the reasons it works and the ways it can be customized. If you've never used the bullet journal method, this is a great starting spot. But it's also a great resource for those of us who've been using the method for years. I knew the process but I didn't necessarily know why Carroll had developed each piece of it. Knowing the why is really going to help me use my journal better and help me develop what Carroll calls "collections" for more parts of my life and in a better way. All of those sticky notes have turned into ten legal pages of notes since I have to return the book (someday, when the libraries reopen) and there is some homework I still want to get to.

Don't be scared off by all of those sticky notes and the mention of homework, though. The beauty of the method and this book is that it is entirely up to you to make of it what you will. You can do as much, or as little, as you want. If you're like me and need paper and pen to keep things on track, this is definitely the way to go to help you stay on track without a lot of little notes all over the house!

Let's be honest, this book is right up my alley anyway. But right now, it was exactly what I needed to help me refocus on reading.

The Only Skill That Matters: The Proven Methodology To Read Faster, Remember More, and Become A SuperLearner by Jonathan A. Levi

The Only Skill That Matters: The Proven Methodology To Read Faster, Remember More, and Become A SuperLearner by Jonathan A. Levi
Published September 2019 by Lioncrest Publishers
Source: my copy courtesy of the publisher and TLC Book Tours in exchange for an honest review

Publisher's Summary:
In the next ten years, every knowledge worker on earth will become one of two things: invaluable or obsolete. No matter the industry, the pace of progress and new information is faster today than ever before in human history—and it's accelerating exponentially.

In this new reality, how can we possibly hope to keep up? How can we learn, unlearn, and relearn fast enough to stay relevant in the world to come?

In The Only Skill That Matters, Jonathan Levi unveils a powerful, neuroscience-based approach to reading faster, remembering more, and learning more effectively. You'll master the ancient techniques being used by world record holders and competitive memory athletes to unlock the incredible capacity of the human brain. You'll learn to double or triple your reading speed, enhance your focus, and optimize your cognitive performance. Most importantly, you'll be empowered to confidently approach any subject—from technical skills, to names and faces, to foreign languages, and even speeches—and learn it with ease.


My Thoughts:
I've been working with the ladies at TLC Book Tours for ten years now, almost as long as I've been blogging. When they contact me with a list of upcoming tours and ask what I might be interested in reading and reviewing, they often have one or two particular tours they are asking me to take a look at. They are often for books I might never have picked up with a nudge. Over the last ten years, I've learned to trust those nudges. Those books always give me food for thought. This book is no exception.

As a young man, Levi struggled with learning and suffered from ADHD. Eventually, he discovered that Ritalin and working harder than other students could make a big difference but keeping up was tough. And then he met Lev and Anna Goldentouch and trained with them for six weeks  in what Levi would later call SuperLearning. Since then, along with the Goldentouchs, Levi has extensively researched how we learn and to read faster. Here he shares much of what he has learned and provides beginning instruction on how to make yourself better able to learn and retain skills and how to speed read.

Can I speed read now that I've finished this book? Am I ready to learn a new skill in record time? No. And, to his credit, Levi doesn't claim that you will finish this book ready to go. He is 100% convinced that if you follow his methods, you will get there. But he is equally firm about the fact that it will take work and time before you are skilled enough for these lessons to pay off. Will I put in that work? That's yet to be determined. Even if I never fully utilize these methods, Levi has certainly put some tools in my hands that I can readily use with very little effort.

Even if I never do use Levi's methods, he absolutely gave me food for thought in this book and my husband may have gotten tired of me telling him things that I was learning. For example:

"As Homo Sapiens, we're especially adapted to learning in ways that are vivid, visual, and experiential. Scientists refer to this as "the picture superiority effect." And though many of you have been led to believer that you're an "auditory" or "tactile" leaner, the truth is, we are each naturally gifted at remembering pictures."

Levi doesn't just make this statement. He backs it up with evolutionary facts. Our predecessors survived because they could remember what things were edible, where their shelter was, and how to find their stored winter food by visual cues.

Levi makes much of the use of memory palaces and I was wracking my brain trying to figure out where I knew that term from. Yes, it's a technique that's been around for centuries; but I swear I was reading about it in the recent past in a work of fiction. Was it Sherlock Holmes? Trying to remember is going to drive me crazy which is, I guess, the actual point of using memory palaces.

I am pretty stoked to learn that Levi, and Dr. Malcolm Knowles who spent decades studying adult learning, that old dogs can learn new tricks. Levi suggests that adult learners "should actively leverage our prior knowledge and experience when learning."

Two problems I had with the book: a) Levi provides a lot of links to dig deeper into his theories and techniques and the references began to make the book feel like a commercial for Levi's podcasts and other products to me (although others may find the links helpful); and b) while Levi has certainly accomplished a lot in his life, it sometimes felt like so much braggadocio. Still, if what Levi has developed with the Goldentouchs works as well as he says it will with practice, maybe he's entitled to that.

As always, thanks to the ladies at TLC Book Tours for including me on this tour, and to Trish for giving me the nudge to read this book. For other opinions, check out the full book tour.

JONATHAN LEVI is a serial entrepreneur, keynote speaker, podcaster, and bestselling author of the Become a SuperLearner book and online course series. After struggling for decades as a student and “slow learner,” Jonathan discovered a powerful methodology for learning faster and remembering more. Since 2014, Jonathan has taught this methodology to over 220,000 people in 205 countries and territories. His award-winning podcast, SuperHuman Academy, has been downloaded over 3 million times. Jonathan has been featured in such media outlets as The Wall Street Journal, Inc., BusinessInsider, and LifeHacker UK. He lives in Tel Aviv, Israel, with his wife, Limmor. To learn more, visit superhumanacademy.com.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life From Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed
Published July 2012 by Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Source: my ebook copy checked out from my local library

PUBLISHER’S SUMMARY:
Life can be hard: your lover cheats on you; you lose a family member; you can’t pay the bills—and it can be great: you’ve had the hottest sex of your life; you get that plum job; you muster the courage to write your novel. Sugar—the once-anonymous online columnist at The Rumpus, now revealed as Cheryl Strayed, author of the bestselling memoir Wild—is the person thousands turn to for advice.

MY THOUGHTS:
Four and a half years ago, Trish (of Love, Laughter, and A Touch of Insanity) reviewed this book, a book I’d seen around but only marginally had an interest in reading. Trish wrote:

“Strayed takes these incredibly difficult questions and answers them with such honesty and clarity and gorgeously spun words that often my heart ached reading her responses. She talks about her own life and her own challenges (making this book as much a memoir as an advice piece) and she asks her readers to take a hard and deep look within. Sometimes we don’t want to see the answer that is staring us directly in the face, but Strayed squares us by the shoulders and locks into us that impossible gaze of honesty.”

I knew I had to read this one as soon as I read Trish’s review. I was also convinced that I wanted to own the book so I have spent the past four and a half years trying to find an inexpensive copy. I finally gave up on holding out for that. It appears that people hold on to this book once they’ve read it. Having read it, finally, I know why.

“Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor, and “loaded with promises and commitments” that we may or may not want to keep. The best thing you can do with your life is to tackle the motherf*%@ing sh@~ out of love.”

Right up until that last sentence, you would have thought this was a book I could put into anyone’s hands. But Strayed uses the f-word liberally, including when referencing sex and she is brutally honest. This is not a book for everyone. But, for the readers of the Dear Sugar column who knew what to expect, and for those of us not especially bothered by those things, Strayed gives thoughtful, caring advice that, despite her pseudonym, is not sugar-coated in any way. She empathizes with those who are hurting, gives step-by-step advice for those who need them, and opens herself up in order to help others. Those who need comfort will find it in Sugar’s responses. But Strayed also flat out asks one letter writer if she knows what boundaries are and tells another that she is arrogant. Those looking for an easy answer will not find one.

If you decide to pick up this book, take your time with it. It is not a book to be raced through, but to be absorbed and considered. Thanks, Trish, for convincing me to pick this one up!

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

the life-changing magic of tidying up: the Japanese art of decluttering and organizing by Marie Kondo
Published October 2014 by Potter/Ten Speed/ Harmony/Rodale
Source: checked out from my local library

Publisher's Summary: 
Despite constant efforts to declutter your home, do papers still accumulate like snowdrifts and clothes pile up like a tangled mess of noodles?

Japanese cleaning consultant Marie Kondo takes tidying to a whole new level, promising that if you properly simplify and organize your home once, you’ll never have to do it again. Most methods advocate a room-by-room or little-by-little approach, which doom you to pick away at your piles of stuff forever. The KonMari Method, with its revolutionary category-by-category system, leads to lasting results. In fact, none of Kondo’s clients have lapsed (and she still has a three-month waiting list).

With detailed guidance for determining which items in your house “spark joy” (and which don’t), this international bestseller featuring Tokyo’s newest lifestyle phenomenon will help you clear your clutter and enjoy the unique magic of a tidy home—and the calm, motivated mindset it can inspire.

My Thoughts: Although I didn’t start organizing my things when I was only five, as Kondo did, I’ve long been looking for the best way to keep the things we have organized and to keep the number of those things from becoming out of control. When this book first came out, I certainly considered giving Kondo’s methods a try. But the whole idea of touching every single item in my house and deciding if it “sparked joy” started to seem more and more preposterous and turned me off from looking into her methods further.
Having recently enjoyed Kondo’s Netflix show, I decided it was time to give it a try. I still think touching every single item in my house and deciding if it sparks joy is a bit nuts, particularly assuming you look at things strictly as needing to be something that makes you happy.

After watching the show and reading the book, though, I feel like I can broaden that out a little and make it work for me. Would not having a particular object make me unhappy, for example? Take, for example, a toilet plunger. I doubt even Marie Kondo looks at hers and finds that it sparks joy. But not having one would certainly make me unhappy.

I do think Kondo is all too eager to convince us to part with some things. She recommends, for example, we toss all boxes that purchases come in, suggesting we can always find another box to put that item in if the need should arise. This doesn’t take into account the fact that some manufacturers require you to return items in the packaging in which they arrived. It doesn’t take into account the idea that people may move frequently and having the originally packaging for an item will absolutely be the best way to pack that item up for transport, as my son has found in his many moves. Mind you, those boxes are stored in my basement, not his apartment, so that might not work as well if he had to find storage space for them. It also goes against Kondo’s dictum that shifting your things onto others is a no-no.

The absolutely craziest thing I found in this book was Kondo’s idea that dishes should be dried on the veranda. You know, the place were bugs might (in Nebraska, will) land on them. Sunlight may be a good disinfectant, Marie, but not good enough to kill off the fly poop that’s getting on my dishes outside, to say nothing of dirt. All that being said, I did find a lot of good to take away from Kondo.

I’ve previously tried the idea of getting rid of one thing every day. I’ve done 40 Bags In 40 Days for several years now, working on one area of the house each day. And still I feel overwhelmed by the amount of things we have. Clearly those methods are not doing for me what I need done. I like the idea of breaking the process down into categories and working through one category before moving onto the next. Kondo’s order that the categories should be done in makes perfectly logical sense to me, guiding people through the easier categories first and leaving sentimental items for last.

It makes perfectly logical sense to me to make sure we are gathering all of one category together before we start deciding what to keep. In my house, there are writing utensils in three different places on the first floor alone; there is no one to know if we are holding on to far too many pens in total if we never see them altogether. And Kondo provides good guidance on how to part with items we are only holding onto out of guilt. And while I balked when she started talking about getting rid of large quantities of unread books, suggesting that if you didn’t read them when they first came into your house, you never would, later she did make allowances for people who might want to hold on to more, as long as their remaining books made them happy.

Kondo clearly developed her method around the Japanese way of life. Some of the things she’s done to make her method work for her would not work for me. Kondo and I will just have to agree to disagree when it comes to talking for our inanimate objects and expecting a response. But, as I do with all methods, I’ll take what will work for me and give it a try. If it fails, Kondo would clearly believe it’s because I didn’t follow all the rules, including thanking my house and all of my things for the great job they are doing, but I’m good with that.