The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan

The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan

336 pages

Published January 2022 by Simon and Shuster

Source: my copy courtesy of the publisher, through Netgalley, in exchange for an honest review

Publisher's Summary:

Frida Liu is struggling. She doesn’t have a career worthy of her Chinese immigrant parents’ sacrifices. She can’t persuade her husband, Gust, to give up his wellness-obsessed younger mistress. Only with Harriet, their cherubic daughter, does Frida finally attain the perfection expected of her. Harriet may be all she has, but she is just enough.

Until Frida has a very bad day.

The state has its eyes on mothers like Frida. The ones who check their phones, letting their children get injured on the playground; who let their children walk home alone. Because of one moment of poor judgment, a host of government officials will now determine if Frida is a candidate for a Big Brother-like institution that measures the success or failure of a mother’s devotion.

Faced with the possibility of losing Harriet, Frida must prove that a bad mother can be redeemed. That she can learn to be good.

A searing page-turner that is also a transgressive novel of ideas about the perils of “perfect” upper-middle class parenting; the violence enacted upon women by both the state and, at times, one another; the systems that separate families; and the boundlessness of love, The School for Good Mothers introduces, in Frida, an everywoman for the ages. Using dark wit to explore the pains and joys of the deepest ties that bind us, Chan has written a modern literary classic.

My Thoughts:

A great example of a book that you finish reading a have no idea how to feel about it. I can't say that I liked it. I'm not sure that any one would be able to say that; it's not that kind of book. The New York Times review called it "frustratingly timely." Vogue had this to say: 

“The School for Good Mothers picks up the mantle of writers like Margaret Atwood and Kazuo Ishiguro, with their skin-crawling themes of surveillance, control, and technology; but it also stands on its own as a remarkable, propulsive novel. At a moment when state control over women’s bodies (and autonomy) feels ever more chilling, the book feels horrifyingly unbelievable and eerily prescient all at once.”

It will also make you think about what goes through your mind every time you hear news about a parent like Frida. You know when you hear stories about parents doing what Frida did, you instantly label them as "bad parents." We have very little empathy for a parent who has become overwhelmed and done a bad thing, made a bad choice. "Why didn't they ask for help?" "They have no business having children if they don't know any better than that." 

Then there are the kinds of things we so often say about our justice system. "Why do we just incarcerate people? Why don't we rehabilitate them, teach them how to do better?" That's just what happens to Frida - the state decides they will teach Frida how to be a better parent, a good mother. But it's coming from a place of thinking of all of the parents as inherently bad, essentially unredeemable even with training. And that there is only one "right" way to become better, to prove that you've been rehabilitated. Which is also a thing our justice system does. Which is the way all of us are prone to feeling, if we're being honest. 

Here the state determines, after only one brief visit with Frida and her daughter, that her daughter should be taken away and that Frida should be committed, for a year, to a new rehabilitation program for parents. At the school, each parent will be given a robotic child, which vaguely resembles their own child, and taught how to properly care for children using the dolls. Except it's almost impossible to satisfy the instructors, especially given that the robot children don't react exactly the same way that real children would, that they aren't children who already know this person. The women are repeatedly told they are bad parents, regularly have their weekly calls to their real children withheld for weeks and months on end, and are held to standards none of us could meet. Here again, there are often lessons that seem, on the surface, to be well intentioned. But the way the lessons are taught, the insistence that success can only be measured in one way, that if you can't get your "child" to react in the way that the instructors have deemed "right," then you are a failure. 

It's relentlessly frustrating and depressing and you find yourself feeling sorry for even the women who truly committed heinous crimes against their children when the other side is a state which seems bent on making the parents jump through hoops - while their on fire - ten feet off the ground - and six inches in diameter. There is no hope for these women. 

And then they meet the fathers. Who are held to entirely different standards. 

The School for Good Mothers is like nothing I've ever read before, nothing like what I was expecting. It was a struggle for me to read but also a book that has me thinking. About the way we judge parents, the standards we hold them to, and the lack of real help we offer them.